3 Notes

Coffee

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Every day I pay somebody £3 to make me a coffee that I could quite easily do at home, were it not for the frothy milk.

Frothy milk is the secret of our national coffee obsession, the addictive fuel for which we keep afloat those tax-avoiding generic coffee chains with their generic faux leather sofas and their ambient down-lighting, the smell of generic Arabica beans over-roasting in the skillet. Every day I pay somebody £3 to froth my milk before slopping it into a paper cup with my name scrawled wrong on its irritatingly flimsy side that will almost definitely burn my hands should I walk at a pace compensating for the time I lost queuing at Over-Roasted Arabica Beans R Us.

Have you ever noticed the cups require a separate piece of corrugated cardboard to be slid over their middle to stop one from singeing off one’s thumbprints? Doesn’t that seem ridiculous? Why don’t they just build that bit into the cup and save separate production and shipping costs?

I do love that frothy milk, though.

2 Notes

Battle of the Sexes
Remember the kid in school who always said ‘orgasm’ in Biology instead of ‘organism’?
Looking at two posters at work yesterday, one very masculine and one very prettily feminine, I said to a male colleague:'Looking at our genitals, it's no wonder you like the male one and I like the female one.'
'Looking at our… genitals?'
'GENDER! I meant gender!'
I was always that kid at school, too.

Battle of the Sexes

Remember the kid in school who always said ‘orgasm’ in Biology instead of ‘organism’?

Looking at two posters at work yesterday, one very masculine and one very prettily feminine, I said to a male colleague:
'Looking at our genitals, it's no wonder you like the male one and I like the female one.'

'Looking at our… genitals?'

'GENDER! I meant gender!'

I was always that kid at school, too.

6 Notes

Awkward Situations For Girls:
Seeing this photo in my Facebook Newsfeed and absentmindedly commenting ‘Congratulations!’, presuming it was an ultrasound baby scan. 
Oops.

Awkward Situations For Girls:

Seeing this photo in my Facebook Newsfeed and absentmindedly commenting ‘Congratulations!’, presuming it was an ultrasound baby scan. 

Oops.

10 Notes

Boyfriends Altering Autocorrect
I live with my boyfriend these days. It’s very nice, apart from he’s a regular prankster.
His latest trick is altering the autocorrect on my iPhone to automatically switch words as I type them. This explains why I texted my mother telling her she should ‘ask my unadulterated hunk of man meat’ what he may like for dinner, and why I now apparently sign off messages with ‘live long and prosper’.
Perhaps even worse, he has also changed ‘no’ to autocorrect to ‘yo nahh don’t make me shank ya!’, which was pretty awkward, last night, when I sent a hurried work email from my phone. Cheers for that, darling. Live long and prosper.
If you liked this, you might also like: The Celebrity To Do ListOn getting your baps out ‘to raise awareness’Being a gadget maverickAwkward Situations For Girls: Being Cut From The Telly

Boyfriends Altering Autocorrect

I live with my boyfriend these days. It’s very nice, apart from he’s a regular prankster.

His latest trick is altering the autocorrect on my iPhone to automatically switch words as I type them. This explains why I texted my mother telling her she should ‘ask my unadulterated hunk of man meat’ what he may like for dinner, and why I now apparently sign off messages with ‘live long and prosper’.

Perhaps even worse, he has also changed ‘no’ to autocorrect to ‘yo nahh don’t make me shank ya!’, which was pretty awkward, last night, when I sent a hurried work email from my phone. Cheers for that, darling. Live long and prosper.

If you liked this, you might also like: 
The Celebrity To Do List
On getting your baps out ‘to raise awareness’
Being a gadget maverick
Awkward Situations For Girls: Being Cut From The Telly